Red
by Riverbkstar
Summary: Coming March 1, 2013 - "Loving her was blue like I've never known. Missing her was dark grey and all alone" It took 7 years to build their family and only a split second to tear it down. Can a chance encounter 3 years later be exactly what they need? A 5-shot epic romance like you have never seen before. Link to youtube trailer inside. *In-Progress*
1. Author's Note Trailer Link

**A Message From The Author**

* * *

Dear Readers,

As you may know from reading my other stories, I usually prepare a written trailer to summarize my stories. This time, I have decided to change things up a little bit by creating my own youtube trailer. The link is below. I worked really really hard on it and am in absolute love with not just the video, but the story itself.

Please take the time to watch it comment on it and share it. Your feedback does mean a lot to me and I never take the time to simply thank you for all of the amazing support! With out you guys, I wouldn't be encouraged to write and with Secretlife coming to an end, I definitely want to keep the spirit of the show alive through my work. Please take the time to review this note following the story summary included below. Let me know if you are excited about the story, how you think things are going to unfold and if you enjoyed the youtube video! I just know you are all going to fall in love with what I have prepared!

Now and Forever,

Riverbkstar

* * *

**Coming March 1, 2013**

A Ricky and Amy story like you have never seen before.

_Loving her was blue like I've never known, Missing her was dark grey and all alone, Forgetting her was like trying to know somebody you never met..._

_Loving her was _Red.

5 Chapters. Two People. One devastating event.

**Red**

youtube . com. watch?v=dZDti-fY_zo


	2. Where Are We Now

He awoke with a start; like he did every morning. It took him a moment to gain a sense of his surroundings before inhaling a deep sigh of relief. He shook his head free of the sweat rolling down his temples and looked nervously at the figure to his right. Last night had been a blur, just like two nights ago and the night before that. All one big attempt to mash down the pain raging inside of him with a quick one night stand. But each morning he failed to be relieved of his agony and so the ritual continued.

"Hey!" He snapped, flinging his legs over the edge of the mattress to rest his elbows on his sore thighs "Get up!"

"Wha-?" The blonde girl next to him moaned drowsily. She sat up, covering her naked chest with his worn out bed sheets "What time is it?"

"Time to go" He retorted, pushing himself away from the bed and making it creak "I need to leave for work in an hour"

"I could make us some breakfast while you get ready for work" The girl offered sweetly, stifling a yawn

"I don't eat breakfast" He muttered, picking up the clothes that had been carelessly tossed on the floor the night before.

"Oh come on Ricky" she scoffed, reaching for the black bra hanging off of the door handle of the small bedroom's only closet "Go shower. I'll whip us up some pancakes"

He hesitated for a moment, terribly desperate for her to leave his trailer before she began to establish a relationship outside of the bedroom "Sure" He caved "Just try not to make too much of a mess. I'll be in the bathroom if you need me" He said pointing past the kitchen towards a white door left open a crack

"Take your time" She replied, watching him grab a towel from a hamper in the corner of the room before scurrying off to the washroom

He rinsed his hair free of conditioner under the soothing stream of hot water and shut off the tap. Drops of water ran down his face as he sniffled, adjusting to the fading warmth of the room while he whipped open his red shower curtain and flung his frayed towel around his waist.

Once dressed, Ricky shaved away the stubble on his cheeks that had grown overnight and briskly ran his towel over his buzzed hair, ready to kick this girl out of his place so that he could get to work on time. He turned off the light in the bathroom and entered his kitchen, sporting black dress pants, a black flannel and pink tie. The silver watch he had been given for his fifth wedding anniversary sat on his left wrist, glistening in the morning light dancing through the glass windows of the small trailer.

"I made pancakes" His guest piped, handing him a plate stacked tall with butter milk delicacies, cooked to perfection. They were the best pancakes he had ever seen... Well the second best. "How do you take your coffee?"

"Black" He muttered, forcing a polite smile as he accepted his breakfast and slid into the bench surrounding the small kitchen table

"Ewww" She said dismayed, shrugging her shoulders as she slid into place next to him on the bench and handed him a white cup filled with coffee

"Thanks" He muttered, focused on shoving half of his second pancake into his mouth

"You have a nice trailer" She complemented, folding both hands around her own cup of coffee. She pulled the mug close to her chin and admired her surroundings "Who's the cutie?"

"Hmm?" Ricky replied, taking a large gulp of coffee to wash down the chewed pancake catching in his throat. He sputtered the liquid, not aware of how hot the coffee actually was, and fought the urge to howl at the searing pain coursing across his singed tongue.

She rolled her eyes; amused and turned back to look at the photo of a young blonde boy hanging off of the kitchen's refrigerator door.

"Oh" Ricky mumbled, afraid this would happen "Umm... that's John... my son"

"Oh" The girl said, surprised "How does he come and visit..." She asked, looking around "If this place is so small?"

Ricky coughed gently, ignoring the painful lump in his throat "Umm... John doesn't live with me anymore"

"Custody battles huh?" The girl nodded her head and bit her bottom lip remorsefully as if she could relate "Watcha gonna do?" She said, shrugging her shoulders as irritatingly as she had before. Ricky watched her walk away from the table and into his bedroom, returning a moment later with a red purse hanging off of her wrist, and an Iphone resting in her right palm "Well I had a lot of fun last night Ricky... Call me if you ever want to do it again. I wrote my number on a napkin. Its on the counter incase you're interested"

"Thanks" Ricky forced a smile although the rest of his body was numb

"I wish that you could see your son again" The girl said, squinting through the morning sunlight as she opened the front door of the trailer

"Me too" Ricky whispered distantly as the girl walked out of his house "Me too"

* * *

She opened her eyes slowly and smiled at the bright New York sunlight seeping into her bedroom. Stretching to sit her wrinkled pillow against her headboard, she yawned, and once satisfied; eased herself into a comfortable position. Just like she did every morning, she took in a deep breath, closed her eyes and for only exactly ten minutes, allowed herself to remember.

Stopping her tears after those dreaded yet crucial minutes was always the hardest part.

But someway, some miraculous way; she managed to do it. She wiped away the last of her morning tears and grabbed a tissue from her nightstand. Sniffling, she turned to her right and waited for the man lying down next to her to roll over and greet her with a...

"Good Morning Amy" Ben whispered, pulling his face away from his pillow, imprinted with the shape of his head

"Hi" Amy greeted sadly, running her fingers underneath both her eyes

"It took you a while to calm down this morning" He stated, propping his head against his left palm "I thought you were doing better"

"I thought so too" She said defeatedly "Some days are just worst than others"

"Do you want some time alone?"

"No... That will make me think about it even more" She paused "But Ben.. you know that these next few weeks are going to be hard for me. Why do you keep pushing me to stop crying every morning?"

"I'm not pushing you Amy!" He cried defensively "I'm not! I just think that after three years... you should be moving on from the past; not dwelling in it"

"I have moved on!" She snapped "I moved in with you and Mercy last October! Okay? That wasn't easy for me to do and you know it! And plus.. I like crying every morning. It helps me get on with the rest of my day. Before I followed you out here... Dr. Fields said that I could do this for as long as I wanted to and I still want to!"

"I know... I know" Ben mumbled "I'm sorry. I don't mean to bring these things up"

"Then don't!" She ordered sternly, willing herself not to cry

He stared at her silently, debating whether or not to add to the argument but respecting her wishes, nodded his head and rolled onto his back instead.

"I'm going to go check on Mercy" She finally said, breaking the cold intensity of the bedroom "Do you think she's up yet?"

"Probably" Ben said, squinting at his alarm clock "Its a quarter to Seven. Yea, she should be"

"Okay. Make sure to pack her bag after you shower. Adrian is picking her up from school today"

"When were you going to tell me about this?" Ben intrigued, casting out his arms in frustration

"As soon as you asked" Amy replied, making her way out of the bedroom and down the hall towards Ben's eight-year old daughter Mercy, spread out on her carpeted bedroom floor finishing a math worksheet. "Mercy?" Amy whispered, knocking on the young girl's door

"Hi Amy" Mercy answered casually, shoving her brown curls behind both ears

"I thought you finished your homework at school yesterday; that's why I let you watch Tv when you got home remember?"

"I did... I was just going over my answers once more time" Mercy lied, hurrying to pack up her things

"Mhmm..." Amy nodded her head, wondering if all eight year olds lied about their homework "I'm heading downstairs to make us some breakfast. Since you're up, would you like to help me?"

"Can I watch Tv?"

"Only if you promise to stir the bowl"

"Deal" Mercy giggled, standing as she took hold of Amy's outstretched hand before being led downstairs towards the kitchen

Ben entered the kitchen following his shower; a sweet aroma swirling through the New York duplex. "Something smells good" He announced, moving to kiss the top of his daughter's head

"Pancakes Daddy" Mercy informed, between two large sips of chocolate milk

"Yummy" He smiled, his heart warming at the sight of his girlfriend focused on two small circles of white batter sizzling on a portable grill. Ben stepped into place next to Amy, and pecked her on the cheek

"I'm sorry about this morning" He whispered, careful not to let his daughter overhear

"Its fine I guess" Amy deadpanned, determined not to lose her concentration

"Doesn't Amy make the best pancakes you've ever seen Mercy? I remember when she was pregnant with John... she couldn't even toast bread without the fire alarm going off!" He laughed, oblivious to the cruelty of the joke

"Really Ben?" Amy boomed, shutting off the heat on her griddle and throwing her spatula onto the counter "You can't stop talking about it for five minutes can you?"

"What did I do?" Ben asked, stifling his laughter

"What about this is funny to you Ben? Next Wednesday, it will be three years since the accident and you think its a good time to crack jokes!"

"No Ames" Ben slowed, realizing what this was really about "I don't think that at all. I just love remembering you back in high school. You were so beautiful. You took my breath away... and you still do!"

"That doesn't help anything Ben. When are you going to see that I don't want to talk about the last ten years?"

"Look Amy" Ben said, lowering his voice "My dad gave me a bonus check last month but I haven't cashed it yet. I want you to take it"

"And do what with it?"

"Cash it in for a round trip to Valley Glen. Go back home for the weekend, see your parents, visit John... or.. or don't visit him" He corrected quickly "That's find too. I just think that you need some time to yourself. I know I keep forcing you to forget everything that has happened but that's only because I can't stand seeing you so upset. But maybe... this time... we can both make an acceptation.. Maybe this time you can just take some time to remember instead"

* * *

Later that night, Ricky ate dinner at the home of his sister Grace, her husband Jack and their two sons; Damian and Tyler. Ricky had been adopted into Grace's family at the age of 12 after three consecutive years of foster care. She had been there for him when he found out he was about to become a father and had welcomed both Amy and John into their family without any hesitation. She had been his rock after the accident and had convinced him to follow her to Texas where Jack was about to become a star quarter back. It had been six years since their wedding and two years ago, Jack had torn a ligament in his left leg enabling him from ever playing football again. In replace of his father who had passed away in a plane crash when he was in grade 10, Ricky had handed Jack Grace's hand in marriage and one year later was introduced to his first nephew, Damian; now almost six years old and Tyler; now 1, five years after that.

"How was your day at work?" Grace questioned, in between scooping pieces of chopped steak onto Tyler's plate

"Fine I guess" Ricky replied, taking a sip of the red wine Grace always offered during their usual Wednesday night dinners. He placed his wine glass on the table gently and looked up at both Jack and Grace as he lowered his hands to his knees and nervously ran them over his thighs "I'm thinking of going back"

"Back?" Jack repeated confused, wiping his napkin over his lips "Back where?"

"Back to Valley Glen"

Grace froze; her forkful of green beans halfway to her mouth. She regained control almost immediately and lowered her utensil onto her plate, coughing sternly as she conjured the right advice to give to her brother "Is that really a good idea?"

"Why wouldn't it be?"

"Well.. I think what Grace means is that you haven't been back once since you followed us out here"

"Its been three years Jack. He died three years ago..."

"Exactly Ricky..." Grace mumbled from behind her hand now gripping her forehead in aggravation "And over the past three years you have given up more than any person should ever have to... Your home, your job, your marriage"

"I don't want to talk about that Grace okay? I don't need a lecture... I just thought you guys would like to know why I wasn't going to be around this weekend"

"Are you going to visit cousin Johnny Uncle Ricky?" Damian asked shyly from his place at the table. Ricky hadn't even noticed his nephew's presence up until now.

"Umm.. Ya Dame, I am"

"I think you should go... I'll miss you at my game on Sunday... but I think you should go"

"Thanks Dame" Ricky smiled sincerely, drawing his attention back to his sister and his brother-in-law "What do you guys think?"

"When do you leave?" Grace croaked, her eyes welling with tears and grief for her deceased nephew

"My plane leaves at midnight on Friday. I'll be back Sunday night"

"Will you call me when you get there?"

"Absolutely"

"Well then have a safe trip"


	3. Unexpected Encounter

Street lights flashed over his dashboard as he sharply turned onto a deserted lane. Looking for his exit, Ricky signaled and tugged his car onto the sharp gravel on the side of the secluded road. Shivering in his jacket as he stepped out of his car, Ricky began to make this way through the rusted iron gates. Climbing up the dusty trail of the courtyard, Ricky slowed, taking in the sight before him and shoved his hands into his jacket pockets insecurely.

He silently crept up behind the woman standing at the foot of a recently decorated tombstone. Her shoulders were shaking silently and he could hear whimpers escaping her through the chilled morning air. He stayed silent and stared at the ground sadly, wishing this wasn't happening but strangely grateful that it was.

She kissed the leather glove pulled over her right hand and laid it on the head of the tombstone affectionately. Wiping her eyes, she turned around sharply, jolting in fear of the dark figure only meters away.

"Ricky?" She gasped, unsettled, squinting through the night at the man draped in shadows

"Yea" He mumbled shortly, stepping into the moonlight so she could see his face "Its me"

"Wh-What are you doing here?"

"Here as in.. the middle of a cemetery at 4:30 in the morning? Or here as in…"

"Valley Glen Ricky. What are you doing in Valley Glen?"

"Same as you I assume" He glared, tightening his posture

"Well you could have at least called me and said something" She said insulted

"And what would I have said Amy? Huh? Sorry for signing the divorce papers without sending a goodbye card first?"

"That's not what I meant and you know it!"

"Ye" He murmured "I know what you meant. And its not like you called me and told me you were coming back here either.. is it?"

She shook her head, irritated; trying to suppress the tears emerging from her eyes "How long have you been standing there?"

"Does it matter?"

A charged pause loomed over the two adults.

"You don't need to be that far away. He's your son too you know"

Ricky shrugged his shoulders "I thought you needed time with him…. When was the last time you were here anyways?"

"2 years ago?" Amy squeaked "I came here the night before leaving for New York"

"And you're living with Ben now? Is that right?"

"Mhmm… What about you?" She whispered through a small smile "When was the last time you were here?"

" 2 and 1/2 years ago I guess. I followed Grace out to Texas remember?"

"I remember. How's she doing? Her and Jack had another son last year right? Is it fun being Uncle Ricky?"

"Grace and the boys are fine thanks" Ricky chuckled, stepping closer to Amy "How are you?"

"Miserable" Amy breathed defeatedly

"Are you staying with your parents?"

"Just for the weekend. You?"

"I checked into a motel on the way over here… speaking of which… I should be getting back"

"No!" Amy cried, her heart jolting as Ricky turned around to leave "You didn't get any time with him. I'll go… my parents are going to start to worry anyways"

"You don't have to" Ricky frowned concerned

"No, Its okay. Really" She looked down at the grave "I've been here long enough. You still have my number I hope… so if you want to.. I don't know… talk sometime this weekend… look me up"

"I will Amy. Thanks"

"Bye Ricky" She waved sweetly, walking away from the excluded grave towards the exit of the yard

He nodded his head "Bye" He whispered, regretfully watching her leave "Wait! Amy! … Amy!"

She turned around eagerly, her hair flipping from one shoulder to the other, glistening in the breaking dawn.

"Our old cafe. Meet me there in half an hour?"

"Sure" She smiled, before turning back around

"Great" Ricky breathed out, suspiciously elated before shifting into an unwelcome gloom as he looked at the tombstone below him, fell down on his knees and traced his fingers over the stone's engraved letters that read:

JOHN JEURGENS UNDERWOOD

FEBRUARY 5 2009 - AUGUST 14 2016

* * *

The bells hanging at the top of the old cafe door jingled vibrantly as he swung the glass door open and entered the lonely shop. It was 5:04 am on a Saturday and almost all of North Hollywood was still asleep, except for the man seated on a stool near the cafe's front window submerged in his morning coffee and Mary; the elderly woman who had waken up every day at 5 for 37 years to open her cafe to anyone desperate enough for an escape or a delicious pastry.

He smiled when he saw her, swaying back and forth on a red leather stool as she absentmindedly played with a straw. Shaking his hair free of the rain beginning to drizzle outside, he approached the young woman quietly and whispered her name. She swung her seat around suddenly, her infectious smile lighting up the dimly lit cafe as she invited him to take a seat.

"Thank you for meeting me Amy" Ricky said, shrugging out of his jacket to reveal a grey long sleeve.

"Of course" She replied distantly, admiring Ricky's chiseled shoulders sporting the grey shirt she had given him as a Valentine's Day present in 2011. He had gotten stronger since the last time she had seen him. His hair was buzzed, no longer thick with the dark curls she had fallen madly in love with ten years earlier. His eyes were desolate. It was obvious he had aged.

"Do you remember?" He chortled, circling around on his own stool to take in his surroundings "We used to sneak away on those mornings when John was with your parents... and come here after staying up all night talking and laughing. You'd order your favourite pastry.. the one that I bought you after your first ultrasound.. and I'd tease you for making such a mess, hand you a napkin and kiss you on the cheek and tell you..."

"That you loved me" Amy finished "I remember..."

"I loved coming here you know" Ricky mumbled, restraining tears

"I know" Amy leaned the side of her head into her palm "I did too... until..."

"Yea..." Ricky nodded his head, rotating his stool back around to face Amy "So how have you been?"

"I've been okay... I'm finally back at work. I don't play anymore you know... and I stopped teaching last September. It was... too much"

"So what now?"

"I work part time at a library... It's not very exciting... but its quiet and I don't think I could handle much else" She shrugged her shoulders "How about you?"

"I'm still doing business. Well, advertising mainly. I'm sure Ben told you that I quit working for Leo after the divorce"

"Yea he did" She said, lifting up her head "I can't believe that we missed out on so much of each other's lives"

Ricky lowered his neck; avoiding eye contact "I can" He said glumly

"I didn't want this to happen" Ricky glanced at her "And I'm not talking about the accident. I'm talking about us. I wish we could have stayed together"

He looked at her sternly "Do you honestly think that would have been a good idea?"

"I don't know" She said tiredly, her eyes glistening with welled up tears "But all I know is that I pushed away the only person who truly knows what I'm going through" She threw her head into her hands and began to cry

"Hey" Ricky mumbled, resting his hand on her shoulder "Hey... Its okay. Okay?" He whispered, stretching towards her as she collapsed into him, grabbing onto the back of his shirt as she sobbed. He hugged her even tighter "I'm here now. I know it's not for long.. but I'm here"

"I don't understand" she cried, her voice muffled by his shoulder

He began to pull away "Don't do this Amy. Don't question it! We've been through all of this! With each other, by ourselves, with Dr. Fields. It happened okay? Losing him.. and.. and losing you was the worst pain that I have ever had to endure. Okay? Even worst than getting over my father. But you can't question it! You have to accept the way things are. John would want you to accept it!"

"I have accepted it" She cried, pushing Ricky away so that she could dab her eyes with a napkin from a silver dispenser "I accepted it a long time ago. It just still hurts so bad!

"I know" He choked, tears beginning to slide down his face "Amy?"

"Yea Ricky?" She sniffled

"I think I need to..."

"Get out of here?" She suggested, finishing his sentence. He shook his head violently, desperately fighting the anguish and pain raging through him. She removed her purse from the counter and stood up from her stool. She reached towards Ricky and grabbed the collar of his shirt, pulling him in towards her so that she could kiss his lips. He resisted at first, but fell weak under her spell and let his hands naturally find their way to her face. He stood too, the constricted veins of his forehead relaxing as he took dominance of the kiss. They lingered... neither wanting to part, but eventually so constricted of air that they were left panting. He looked down at her solemnly and wiped a tear from her eye "Then lets go" She said, regaining her composure as she took his hand and led him out the door.


	4. Wrong But So Right

"Are you sure you want to do this Amy?" He whispered in her ear, competing with the noise of the rainstorm raging outside as he reached into his jacket pocket for the key of his motel room. She nodded her head vigorously and folded her arms around his neck. He growled as she bit his lower lip and nudged her against the stucco siding of his motel.

"Please Ricky" Amy exhaled, driving her chest into his "I need you"

He slid the key into its lock, harshly tugging the slim jagged metal to the right to unlock the door. Dropping the key back into his pocket, Ricky cupped his hands around the back of Amy's knees and grunted as she hopped onto his waist. He pushed her into the door of his room, kicking it shut behind him as they entered the dark and claustrophobic suite.

Ricky gently laid Amy on top of the room's only bed. She began to peel away his jacket from his shoulders and ran her fingers through his hair that was wet from the rain as he tossed his coat onto the floor. Crossing his arms over his torso, Ricky removed his grey shirt, revealing a toned chest and 6 small protruding abdomen muscles. Amy slowly ran her fingers across his stomach, almost as if trying to remember what touching him felt like.

Ricky waited patiently as Amy shrugged out of her own wet coat, and smiled at the black bra and hardened nipples peeking through her wet t-shirt. Edging her towards the center of the bed, Ricky slipped his hands up Amy's shirt and worked on unbuttoning her bra as she once again straddled his waist and began to fiercely kiss him.

"God I've missed this" Ricky gasped, whipping the black garment to some unknown area of the bedroom.

"Ssshh" Amy replied, lifting up her arms so that Ricky could slip off her shirt. He fondled her breasts as she forced her tongue against his, repeatedly running her hands through his buzzed hair, enjoying how his scalp felt against her fingers.

Ready to move further, Ricky gripped Amy's waist and flipped her onto her back. He started at her knees, and slid his hands along the inside of her thighs as she threw her head back, her breathing growing thin. Ricky helped Amy wiggle out of her jeans before unzipping his own pants.

"Are you ready?" Ricky whispered, the tension inside of him becoming increasingly difficult to ignore. Amy clasped her eyes shut and nervously nodded her head. Ricky pursed his lips in apprehension, aware Amy always hated the first few minutes of intercourse.

"I'm Ready" She said shakily. She held her breath as he made his way on top and moaned in shock and agony as he drove into her. He looked down at her face as he began to thrust, and waited for her eyes to open before quickening his pace.

"We can go as slow as you need" He said after a few seconds

"No Ricky" She slurred, beginning to grip the bed sheets in pleasure. "Faster"

Ricky obeyed and started to push against Amy as fast as he could. The feeling was extraordinary; pure bliss, but the pain in his chest was almost unbearable. Ignoring the agony, he pushed harder, encouraged by her moans growing louder and longer as he pressed on.

"Ricky!" She screamed

His mouth shot open wide as he came. Glistening with sweat, he collapsed on top of Amy, his heart pounding in his ears so loudly that he could barely hear her inconsistent panting as she too struggled to catch her breath. When strong enough to raise his head from his pillow, Ricky sat up, surprised to see Amy's face wet with tears.

"Hey" He soothed, pulling her into his arms. He leaned against the headboard of the bed as Amy snuggled against his chest "Its okay"

"I'm sorry" She apologized "I can't help it. Sometimes they just come"

"I know. I get them too" He consoled

"I just miss him so much! And this morning... being here with you.."

"You don't need to explain it Amy" Ricky said, desperately trying not to break down himself "I understand completely"

"I'm sorrryyyy!" She howled, sputtering tears. Ricky wrapped his arms around her as she shook uncontrollably. The sounds of her cries and the feel of her seizing beneath him brought him back to those endless nights following the accident where she had done nothing but cry. He waited for her to finish, resting his cheek against her head as his own tears fell.

As Amy's cries subsided, Ricky loosened his grip around her naked body. She rested her head against his chest as she sniffled, wiping her tear stained face with her hands.

Her eyes began to flutter with exhaustion as an orange blaze poured through their window, showering them in early morning sunlight after a brutal downpour.

"I'm sorry" She said after a few moments of silence

"Its just too much" Ricky whispered through closed eyes "I know"

"Do you think he's ever watching us?"

"I like to think so" He smiled, nuzzling his nose into the top of Amy's head. He paused and inhaled deeply "I missed this smell"

"Its lavender" Amy said, leaning back her head to look up at Ricky

"I remember" He smirked, his eyes twinkling at the sight of his ex-wife. He leaned his head down to kiss her, but she pulled away, her face an alarming shade of white.

"I can't do this" She said suddenly, sitting up in search of her clothes

"Are you kidding?" Ricky replied in shock

"No. This wasn't a good idea. I should go"

"Amy wait!" Ricky cried in disbelief, scurrying after Amy who was already half way across the room, next to her discarded bra "What's going on? We should talk about this"

"About what Ricky?"

"I don't know!" He said, tripping over the boxers he was trying to fit both legs through "One minute I'm holding you, comforting you like I used to.. and the next.. you're.. freaking out!"

"Exactly Ricky! Like _you _used to! We aren't together anymore! I can't be here with you! I have a boyfriend!"

"So is that what this is about?" Ricky whispered angrily, hoping she didn't know how hurt he really was "Your stupid BOYFRIEND?"

"He's not stupid! Okay! Ben has stuck by me through all of this! That is more than you can say!"

"More than I -?" Ricky coughed "More than I? Who was the one who got the lawyer Amy? Who was the one who freaking served me with divorce papers three months, six days and four hours after the accident?"

"You didn't need to sign them! And you certainly didn't need to sign them without so much as a goodbye!"

"Well excuse me for feeling a little sorry for myself. Excuse me for MISSING MY SON!"

"YOU DON'T THINK I MISS HIM! Not a day goes by that I don't wish things would have turned out differently that day!"

"You sure don't show it. Going out and getting everything you ever wanted overnight. It sure didn't take you long to start dating Ben now did it? Bet you're happy now aren't you Amy?"

"I, Have. Nothing. Okay? Nothing Ben does can ever replace you, and believe me... he tries. He tries really, really hard. And He is twice the guy you are. He doesn't hide his pain underneath his bedsheets!"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Ricky mumbled uncomfortably

"It means he doesn't whore around all the time!" Her voice cracked, as if fighting tears

"Whoring around huh?" Ricky shouted, beginning to circle the room in anger "Is that what you two are calling it? Whoring around? Well maybe I wouldn't be sleeping with everyone if my wife hadn't left me! And maybe I do sleep around because I like it! And it helps me feel better about losing my son in a FUCKING CAR ACCIDENT"

"Well I'm glad it makes you feel better Ricky" She snarled, pulling on her shirt

"Atleast I don't waste all of my time crying and feeling miserable"

"HOW DARE YOU!" Amy screamed "You think I like crying? I hate it! I hate thinking about our old life together for countless minutes every morning while everyone around me tries to help me move on with my life! I can't believe you would mock me like that! We wouldn't even be in this situation if it weren't for - " Amy recoiled her rage, not heartless enough to go through with what she was about to say

"Say what you want to say" Ricky sniffled "I can take it.. Say it"

"No..."

"SAY IT!"

She paused, aware of the brutality of what was about to be said "If it weren't for you not watching John that day... Our son would still be alive" She said slowly, hot tears running down her cheeks

"So we're back to this huh?" Ricky muttered

"RIcky - I"

"Just get out" Ricky commanded

"No Ricky... I didn't mean it!" Amy pleaded, starting to cry, wishing she could take it back. He didn't deserve that. The accident was no one's fault. Deep down she knew that. But it was easier to blame him. And she had. Multiple times, and for many months after the accident and even following their divorce. She had blamed him for the accident when really that is all it was. An _accident_.

"You sure sounded like you meant it! Just go!"

"Ricky!"

"I SAID GET OUT AMY! GET OUT!" He screamed, thrusting his hand towards the door. She grabbed her coat from the ground and ran out of the apartment in tears, but not before catching a glimpse of his eyes one last time. Every bit of twinkle that had been there five minutes ago was gone; replaced with pain and suffering, cold as ice.

Ricky waited for the door to close shut before exploding in anger. He threw himself on the floor, slamming the navy blue carpet with his fists as he shrieked. Standing up, Ricky grabbed a wooden chair from the table next to the window and flung it against the front door. It shattered into ten different pieces. Ricky collapsed onto the floor again, crying so hard he could barely breathe. He felt as if his heart was going to explode. Ricky curled himself up into a ball and began to rock back and forth.

"I'm sorry John" He cried over and over again "I'm so so sorry"


	5. Cant Do This

"I missed this" His date whispered into his ear from her place on his lap. She wrapped her hands around his neck, starting to trace his jaw with her lips "You were gone for far," She kissed his nose "Far," She kissed his cheek "Too long, Ricky"

He smirked, feverishly running his hands up and down the outside of her thighs as she drove her chest into his. "Way too long" He whispered back, biting her lower lip aggressively. She shivered, smiling as she lowered her chin into his shoulder and started to nurse his neck. His breathing hitched.

From his place on his date's couch, he could see most of her dark apartment, illuminated only by the bright moon light casting its way into the room through the large kitchen window. Against the pale light, he could make out his date's amber hair, and moist lips, twitching in anticipation of his touch. Ricky harshly pressed his lips against hers.

A young, high-pitched scream tore through his head

He pulled away, startled; the memories beginning to flood his thoughts without his control.

"_Hey!" Ricky greeted, entering the California bungalow through the screen door_

"_In here!" Amy called from the kitchen, knotting an apron around her waist "You boys having fun?"_

"_We're having a blast" Ricky said, smiling as he entered the kitchen and slid into place next to his wife "Its beautiful out today. We should go for a walk after dinner!"_

"_That's a good idea actually" Amy chimed, tearing open a package of store bought cookie dough. She scooped some onto a table spoon and fed it to her husband "Good huh?" Ricky chuckled, nodding his head._

"_If we go for a walk..." Amy continued, now chewing on a chocolate chunk "Then John will be nice and tired, and we can put him to bed after his bath and well... "_

"_Are you saying what I think your saying?" Ricky teased, wrapping his arms around Amy's back. She melted into his chest, looping her arms around his neck. He kissed her gently._

"_I miss you..." She pouted_

"_I miss you too" He stalled "But... Its only been a few months since that scare. Are you sure you're ready? For real this time?"_

"_I think I'm ready" She declared "I mean, you just got promoted and John brought it up last week and we painted that spare room..."_

"_So we're going to do it?" Ricky exclaimed "We're going to try for a baby?"_

"_Yes" Amy sighed, tightening her grip around Ricky's neck "We're going to try and have a baby!" _

_Ricky squealed, bending down to kiss his wife, lift her off her feet and spin her around "Oh thank you Amy! Thank you! This is amazing! I love you!" He set her down on the floor_

_Amy smiled. " And I love... JOHN!" She shrieked, tearing away from Ricky, out of the screen door and down the driveway in a panic._

_Ricky moved to the window, his heart stopping mid-beat as his son began to chase his basketball down their driveway. As if in slow motion, a gleaming silver SUV made its way into view, soaring down their street in the direction of his son. Ricky bolted for the door, flying out of the house as a high-pitched shriek filled the air. Next came the squealing tires, shattering glass and a loud thud. Then nothing but silence._

"Ricky" The girl moaned, running her hands up his chest. She pushed herself further into his groan, hoping to encourage his dominance. but he stayed still, suddenly aware that there was someplace he needed to be. "Babe?" She said, dragging her lips away from his his "Is everything okay"

"No" He choked, blinking away a tear "Its not"

"That's okay. We can take it slow" She offered, sliding her hands back up to his shoulders

"No.." He stalled "I can't do this right now"

"Another night then?"

"No" He replied confidently "I mean I can't do this anymore... And I won't" He pushed her off of him, standing up as she fell against her leather couch with a horrified expression sketched across her face.

"Ricky!" She cried slipping off of the sofa "Wait!"

"I can't! There isn't much time!"

"What exactly are you doing?" She boomed, stomping herself into an irritated stance

"Something I should have done a long time ago" He muttered, grabbing his leather jacket and storming out of the dark apartment.

* * *

"I'm really glad you're back home" Ben said softly into Amy's ear, his arm draped over her shoulders as they walked through the busy park, showered in the light of the early morning sun

"Me too" Amy smirked, leaning her head into Ben as they walked.

He responded with an abrupt stop, turning Amy into him by her shoulders so that he could kiss her on the lips. She lingered, waiting for the spark. But there was nothing there. There had never been anything there, at least not like there was with Ricky. Ben sensed her aggravation and pulled away from Amy just as an orange basketball collided with the back of his head.

"Ow!" He exclaimed, rubbing his skull as he bent down to retrieve the ball. A little blonde boy around the age of seven presented himself to Ben shyly. Amy felt her heart contract. He looked just like him. "Is this yours?" Ben chuckled, handing the young child back his ball. The boy nodded and shot Ben a toothless grin before bolting away. Ben stood up turning back to Amy to realize she wasn't there.

It took Ben a few seconds to catch up to Amy, already a good few meters away. "Amy wait!" He shouted, grabbing his girlfriend's arm. She stopped in her tracks and whirled around to face him, tears streaming down her cheeks

"Don't do this to yourself Amy" Ben groaned

"Do what Ben? I can't ignore it! It hurts too much! Everywhere I go, I'm reminded of him!"

"You just need some time!" Ben reassured

"Time Ben? Really? Its been three freaking years! Times up!"

"Its just hard right now because its the anniversary of his death!"

Amy sputtered her tears, mortified that he could use such loose vocabulary "No Ben! This anniversary makes it hard for you! But I hurt all the time! Every day! I don't want to do this anymore! I can't..."

Ben crossed his arms over his chest "What exactly are you saying Amy?" He asked nervously

"I think this was a mistake" Amy mumbled, wiping away her tears

"W-what was?"

"Coming back to New York"

"B-but I'm here!" Ben stammered "A-and Mercy! We love you! We need you.. You need us"

"Exactly" Amy said, kissing his cheek "I love you Ben, but its time for me to stop hiding behind you"

"If you love me, you'd stay!" Ben pleaded

"And if you loved me, you'd let me go"

* * *

Ricky stormed through his trailer, collecting anything and everything he felt he'd need on his trip. He didn't know how long he would be gone for, or if he was even coming back. But in his heart he knew that this was the right thing to do, nothing else mattered.

Tearing into his closet, Ricky unhooked all his hangers and shoved everything into one of the luggages displayed across his bed. Deciding to grab his spare cell phone charger, Ricky moved back to his closet and stretched his hand into a wicker basket sitting on the top shelf of his closet. He dug around the bin blindly, losing his footing on his toes and forcing the basket off of the shelf and onto the ground. Its contaminants spilled everywhere, and Ricky cursed, beginning to tidy up the mess.

The last of the items was a small digital camera. Ricky's heart stopped, and for a moment he decided against turning it on. But he caved, and silently prayed that the batteries were still working as he pushed the power button. The camera turned on with a loud chime as Ricky climbed onto his bed next to his suitcase. He lied on his back and hit play, his breath hitching as a video began.

"_Look at me daddy!" John shrieked, riding down the street without any training wheels _

"_Way to go baby!" Amy called from behind the camera. Ricky turned around, catching his wife on film_

"_Isn't she lovely?" He narrated, laughing as Amy stuck her tongue out at the camera_

"_Daddy!" John called, as the camera flipped back around._

"_I'm watching John! Keep going! You're doing great!"_

Ricky paused the video. Tears covered his cheeks. He flipped to another clip.

"_Woah!" John shouted, jumping up and down, holding a large box in his hands_

"_What is it John?" Amy asked, this time the one filming _

"_A basketball!" John cheered, throwing the box onto the ground before kneeling down next to it and beginning to rip it open_

"_Wow! Just what you wanted! We can play outside now!" Ricky suggested from beside the camera_

"_Well honey, he can't just have a ball. A birthday boy needs a net too" Amy teased_

"_You're right Ames. Okay John! You win!"_

"_Are you serious?" John shouted_

_Ricky laughed "Its outside Buddy. Go and check it out"_

"_Thank you thank you thank you!" John cried, running up towards the camera. _

Ricky paused the video, capturing his son's perfect, smiling face in the center of the screen. An unbearable fire continued to grow in his chest as breathing became almost impossible. He sputtered his tears, too weak to wipe his face or dry his eyes.

"I love you John" Ricky said between large gasps of air "I'm going to make things right again. I promise"


End file.
